I’ve been back in full time work for two weeks now. I have loved every single second of it, not sitting and just waiting for everyone to get home. Whilst I’m at work I tend to be in little to no pain, it gets to the last half hour and the drive home and I end up completely crippled. My head feels like someone is squeezing me so hard it might pop, the pains in my legs are stabbing and it’s reached a point where I can’t feel my left thigh. Like I know it’s there but when something brushes against it or I like poke it with my finger I know I’m doing it but I can’t feel the touch on my skin. I don’t even know how to word it to be honest.
It always just feels so much worse when you were supposed to have plans. Myself and my lad were having friends over but I’ve had to cancel to recover for Monday. I am absolutely gutted. It feels so weird trying to adjust anyway but I just want to live in a normal manner and spend weekends how I want to spend them. (I’m starting to feel a bit drama queen like and I do apologize for that)
When I got home tonight I literally just sat and cried. I feel so warn out and know I’ll just get used to it but my god.
I really hope that once I’m on treatment things will get better. My worry is that im pinning so much hope on ‘things will get better when…’ and then it won’t. Obviously only time will tell but it’s frustrating. It’s the one thing keeping me going and I’m forever convincing myself that actually it isn’t that easy.
- Take it a day at a time
- There’s a lot going on right now
- I know it’s stressful, but things will get better
Once again showing the many ups and downs of my current emotions. Literally forever on a rollercoaster ride.
But on a side note, my new blanket came and I will just have to vegitate wrapped in it over the weekend